Is it normal to struggle in a new relationship?

New relationships are exciting, but they can also be intimidating. People often bring their insecurities from previous relationships into a new one, but they shouldn’t stop you from finding happiness with someone else.

If you find yourself arguing with your partner or worrying about whether you’re compatible, this can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

1. Feelings of Incompatibility

It’s not uncommon to forget how much incompatibility can weigh down on a relationship. Especially early on when you are infatuated with your person and everything they are doing for you. But, if you’re constantly feeling that the two of you aren’t a good match it’s time to take a step back and assess if your relationship is compatible.

It is normal for every couple to argue, but if you are constantly clashing about the most mundane things it could be a sign that you are incompatible. For instance, if your partner can’t stand you singing along to a song on the radio or likes to go to a different bar than you, it is an indicator that you are not compatible.

Jealousy can also be a big red flag. If your jealousy is out of control and you feel like your person is always spying on you it can be toxic. Jealousy isn’t a healthy trait and can cause many issues within the relationship, especially when it’s not justified.

2. Feelings of Unworthiness

If someone is struggling to feel worthy, it can be hard to know what to do. The best way to help someone who is feeling unworthy is to be honest and gentle with them. It’s important to remember that the feelings they are experiencing don’t have any inherent value, and it is completely normal for them to feel this way.

This type of feeling usually stems from a deep belief that they are not good enough, which can come from any number of factors. It could be that they were hurt by a parent or previous partner who made them believe that they are not worth loving, or it may stem from trauma or shame rooted in childhood experiences.

Regardless of the cause, it’s essential to address these issues sooner rather than later as they can be very damaging to any relationship. It’s also important to realize that it will take some time for these patterns to shift, so don’t be discouraged if they aren’t immediately resolved.

3. Feelings of Jealousy

Jealousy can occur for a variety of reasons, such as insecurity and low self-esteem. But, if the jealousy is accompanied by a pattern of extreme anger, unrealistic demands or unfounded accusations, that’s a red flag. It’s important to seek help from a therapist trained in the Gottman Method before things get out of hand.

Rational jealousy is often based on fears of rejection. It can also be triggered by past experiences that aren’t fully worked through, like childhood insecurities or issues around trust in prior relationships.

Having thought-out conversations about what triggers jealousy in your partner can be helpful, but not during heated discussions or when one of you is already feeling anxious or upset. Rumination (thinking over and over again about upsetting topics) can make jealous feelings more intense. Instead, try to shift the focus by practicing gratitude or seeking professional guidance from a relationship counselor or therapist. Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s important to learn how to manage it in a healthy way.

4. Feelings of Power Struggle

If you feel that your partner consistently puts you down and elevates themselves, or vice versa, this can be a sign of a power struggle in a relationship. This can be seen in both direct and indirect ways, such as their derision of your successes or the way they casually talk about your accomplishments. It also can be over petty things, like who cooks better or goes to the gym more often.

Typically, when people experience this type of power struggle, they tend to fight more frequently. They also may withdraw emotionally and become less supportive of one another, which can lead to feelings of alienation. If these patterns continue, it can be a good idea to work with a couples counselor. They can help you identify the underlying issues and find solutions that will foster healthy relationships.